Go out and adopt a dog or cat for christmas

That's right! If you have the space and time to fit a super awesome pound pup or cat in your home - DO IT. Do it now. If your shelter is open Christmas - and they should, in my not so humble opinion - go there and get yourself a dog or cat.

I'd say pick out the least attractive, the oldest, the one with three legs or one eye or smelly breath. Nab the senior cat with snaggletooth and a grumpy personality. Pick out the one sitting quietly in the corner or maybe the one front in center molesting his cage bars. Just pick one.

In several months, after some help from a trainer, I plan on fostering dogs again. Or at least try. If the bitchy dynamic duo don't screw it up for me (I'm looking at you, Celeste).

But if you can do it now. Do it.

To help inspire you, I have picked some of the saddest dogs and cats I could find on Petfinder. If these animals do not make you run out to get one of your own, SHAME ON YOU, YOU HEARTLESS PERSON!

HI I AM RUSSEL AND I TALK IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM A HAPPY, ANCIENT (DIGNIFIED) DOG WHOSE PEOPLE MIS-SPELLED MY NAME, IT IS ACTUALLY SIR RUSSELLEMANIA. I FORGIVE THEM.

I AM AT THE NAPA SMALL ANIMAL HOSPITAL WHERE STAFF HAVE CONFUSED ME FOR A SMALL ANIMAL. THIS IS OKAY BECAUSE MY PREVIOUS IDIOT OF AN OWNER ABANDONED ME IN A CREEK BED AND DID NOT RETURN. I NEARLY DIED OF SADNESS AND ALSO OF NEARLY DYING. NOW I HAVE A BALL. HIS NAME IS CHUCK.
ALSO, I LIKE TO CHASE CATS BUT I AM TOLD I MOVE SLOWER THAN A SNAIL ON VALIUM. WHAT AN INSULT TO ME, BUT CHUCK SAYS I AM THE BEST, SO TAKE THAT SMALL ANIMAL HOSPITAL PEOPLE!

Ha! I stole Russel's Chuck, because that is how I roll. It does not matter that I am actually 30 miles away, I have the power of tele-ball-nesis. My name is Archie and I am probably the most handsomest of dogs you've ever seen.

I am at a sad, hi-kill shelter, which means I am sad and at risk of being hi-killing. I do not know what this means, but I have Chuck with its superpowers of death-prevention. So, adopt me today so that I can continue to steal the Chuck's of the world from the Russel's of the world. You could even adopt me AND Russel. Except he talks in all caps, which is just rude.

Give me the gift of eyes, mkay, thanks!

I was born in Egypt 3,000 years ago as a Pharaoh's cat.

Now I have decided to try urban life in northern California.

If you are prepared to devote your life, sofa, and $10,000,000 in cash, I am ready to rule your world.

Apply today. I may decide to take over a small island nation.

Also. My name is not Klause. My name is not pronounceable.

 Yes. Well. I see I have ended up in a place that believes cuddling and blue jangly collars are all the rage.

They are not. Anywhere, actually.

Please save me from my saviors. They clearly do not know much about cats.





If these pictures and heart-warming stories don't make you rush out to nab a shelter dog or cat, I do not know what will.