Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Dear Mr. President

I will be writing in my dad for President in 2012. Bob for President. It has a nice ring to it, really.

Now, I was not planning on voting for you anyways, due to your inability to keep paltry promises and stick up for yourself and me, the disappearing middle class.

BUT, then you had to go and call up the Eagles owner and let him know it was super cool of him to re-hire a sociopathic dog killer! Nail, meet coffin.

I am a football fan. In order to be consistent, before I endorse a player, I now look up their criminal records (publicized ones, that is). If you choke, electrocute or beat dogs to death, I dislike you. If you kill people, I dislike you. If you rape people, I dislike you. Those are the three big no-no crimes in my book. I check up on players I like  here to find out if they have burned and pillaged anything lately.

Anyway, Mr. President, I hope you call up every football team's owner and thank them for hiring and paying exorbitant salaries to people who drive drunk (but feel sorry afterwards!), kill people (but get charges dropped and donate to charity later on!), rape women (but say it was consensual, so in your face, victims), and who have to be fished out of canals for swimming under the influence (it was hot!). Don't just limit yourself to near-MVP quarterbacks who fought dogs, gambled, and killed under-performing dogs with his bare hands but who now claim redemption and plans on owning another dog!


Disappearing Middle Class Personhood

PS: Disapproving Pit Bull Disapproves

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