Monday, April 30, 2012

Being a Bee is Serious Business

Last year, no bees visited my potted plant garden.

This is because I did not cater to their specialized interests.

When I bought a friend some salvia, I decided the plant was so pretty I should buy one for myself. Then I saw a tiny lavender plant and obviously had to buy that too.

I am pretty certain the bees just followed me home.

Within minutes of putting the salvia outside, four bees arrived. They must have done their waggle dance and told the world, SALVIA! SALVIA! GOOD SHIT!

The lavender I placed a few feet away and no one visited it. I felt sad for the lavender, not being pollinated.

Now let me be clear, I am not usually a bee fan. In theory, I like bees. They do the world's pollinating. That is pretty impressive. But sometimes they swarm and eat you. Just saying, it happens. Not the eating part, but I can't tell the difference between a sane honeybee and one of those serial-killer bees.

But all these bees on the salvia were so, well, lazy. They just floated from flower to flower. When I got near, they ignored me. When I got inches from them with my giant camera, they could care less. Later, when I planted the lavender and salvia into their own pots, not even my shaking and earth-moving phased the bees. This means these bees are my new best friends and so long as they don't sting me to death, life will be good.

This is my favorite bee, who I will never recognize again. She was super into this salvia flower. I told her about the lavender three feet away, but I guess three feet is a long distance when you have an effing SALVIA to stuff your proboscis into. Finally, I went over to the lavender, picked it up and placed it right next to the salvia. See? I told her. LAVENDER!

Bee and salvia

 Then she was like, don't mind if I do, beatch, and stuffed her head into one of the lavender flowers.
 Bee and Lavender
These non-killer bees are kind of the best. Until one stings me. I mean, it will suck for me but she'll freaking die, and then I'll not only be in physical pain but I'll have guilt for inspiring a bee to fear for her life and sting me. So let's hope that doesn't happen.

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