Har-har, let's take this one to the bank, folks - a Beagle has attacked!!!
This news is so outlandish, so belly-chuckle funny that local news media consider the description of the attack as the best sentence they've seen, like ever. They don't tell us which sentence is the best, but I assume it is this one:
"As police arrested Dinah, Ronnie let go of a beagle he was holding on a leash and shouted, "Sic 'em, Ginger!"
Oh man, LOL. L.O.L. I'm laughing so hysterically right now, I'm relying on my mad typing skills to not screw up some words here. Tears are streaming down my face, I can barely see through the water works.
Nothing's funnier than a suspect releasing his dog to bite police officers. I mean, nothing's funnier than a suspect releasing Ginger the Beagle to bite police officers.
Like the Scene says, "they (suspects) could have vicious dogs like pit bulls ready to attack and defend". Yeah, PIT BULLS! Man, I would have been laughing even harder if it was a Pit Bull. It's so cliche too!
Anyways, back in the day, the Sac County shelter kept adopting out an ancient, ornery Beagle. And she kept being returned because she kept biting people. BUT SHE WAS A BEAGLE, YO! So they adopted her again, of course, and she ate the eye of a 3-yr-old girl. HA THAT WAS TOO FUNNY!! Good times, people, good times.
Nothing funnier than a dog biting someone. I mean, sometimes there IS nothing funnier, like when Sherman thought my shoelaces were edible and I practically had to perform the Heimlich to get them out of his throat. He could have engulfed my entire foot and THAT, dear readers, would have been hilarious.
On a serious note, dog bites are uncool, no matter who is doing the biting. Don't sic your dogs on anyone, even if your dog's name is Ginger. Or is a Beagle.