Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Grand Island, NE - where no news is news

Let me count the ways in which this Grand Island Independent article is rather silly.

Before that, it is important for me to convey that I think dealing with an aggressive dog is scary. I would be upset too if a couple of dogs nipped me. The owner of these dogs should probably reconsider her cable method of restraint and perhaps consider a kennel or, even better, bringing the dogs in as companions, not lawn ornaments.

Okay, now that the serious stuff is out of the way..

When I was in 8th grade I tried to impeach the treasurer of the student council. I got 32 signatures. Then I learned there wasn't an actual impeachment process, that what I did was really mean (I made her cry, eep), and that there were much better ways to handle my personal problems with the treasurer (she was evil). Imagine the headline, though - Teenager's attempt at overthrowing student council treasurer thwarted!! It would have been riveting! Alas, unlike a neighborhood squabble about two dogs, MY very important news never made it to print. Sad.

This article is 900 + words long. Actual story should be : Soccer parents garner 26 signatures that mean nothing. Also, they don't like dogs who look like pit bulls. Or who are pit bulls. Or who may have consorted with pit bulls. Dogs who nip but don't break the skin of joggers are also to be shot on sight. Best quote of the day would be from Sheriff Watson on why this is a silly case,"I think a lot of this is because it's a pit bull"

The basis of the signature gathering was a so-called bite by two dogs. I've been bitten by dogs. This has always resulted in bloodshed and puncture wounds and me shaking my fist at the guilty party (who NEVER appears contrite, little bastards). I have also been nipped by dogs. This has always resulted in no bloodshed, sometimes a tiny bruise, and me still shaking my fist at the guilty party. The bite described in the article is a nip - no breaking of the skin, no bloodshed, one bite from each dog and then they were off on their merry way. Should not have happened, of course, and that is where the stupidity of the owner shows.

My suggestion to the signature gatherers: Get a hobby. Collect pennies or stamps. That will keep you safe from the hordes of rampaging pit bulls.

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